Yesterday Is Gone So Say Goodbye

I'm using this font Trebuchet, becuase I think a trebuchete is something like a giant catapult, and it makes me think of Monty Python and the holy grail when they are flinging diseased farm animals over the castle wall. But i don't actually know what it looks like because i'm writing in that little box thingy, and the font is not changing. so...it may turn out to be completly unreadable. But I really hope that this is not so. =D

There are so many things that I could talk about I can't decide...hm...

A song that i've been listening to again lately is "I will not be moved" by Natalie Grant. Here's a link to it...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2wu8YM-XDvs

She's just got such a strong voice, very assertive and what not, and if you listen to the song it really shows through with the lyrics and the instrumental aspects of it as well.

I will stumble

I will fall down

But I will not be moved

I will make mistakes

I will face heartache

But I will not be moved

On Christs' solid rock I stand

All other ground is sinking sand

I will not be moved


I've always listened to this song when I feel really worn out spiritually, and it always is kind of a kick in the face and it gets me back to where i need to be, and if not where i need to be, it reminds me.

Because thats always been my problem; I become lazy and tired and i just stop trying to live for God and I stop striving to be a better person. i just sorta say "oh...well...i know i shouldn't do this, but it's okay, it's just this one time." and it snow balls in to something rather big, and then it takes far more than a song lyric or too to get me out of the funk.

Revelation 3: 15-16

I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other!

So, because you are lukewarm-neither hot nor cold-I am about to spit you out of my mouth

It's kind of like Tea. (Lipton tea that is) It makes really yummy hot tea, and awesome iced tea, but the inbetween is just plain nasty. i dunno why, it just is.

God doesn't particularly care for grey areas or in-betweeners, and i don't really blame him.

Have you had any lukewarm tea lately? It ain't exactly a fanfare for your tastebuds.

-Elizabeth

Whatcha Know Good

The best part of my week.

I don't have to show you

you were there.

you saw it.

You are it.

(coincidentally, I do have a life, despite evidence to the contrary)

True.

You are all awesome.

Your jokes, laughs, above average ability to scarf down some food, below average capacity to complete a survey (I tease... sort of), thoughts, and bond delight me.

But.

What makes y'all the best part of my week

is knowing that with you is where I am supposed to be.

Despite how unequipped I sometimes feel. Probably because of how unequipped I feel.

It means God has to take my passion

and interject some purpose.

(Otherwise, we would simply be a few lost college-ish-aged kids confused by score sheets.)

And there in the intersection of those two

lies joy.

So.

The best part of my week is there. Where my passion meets God's purpose.

(Unless, of course, I get too caught up in my own inability or interest to let Him in on it)

I wish

I had the words

to tell each of you how fervently I pray for you to find that place.

To find that peace.

In the meantime, it

thrills

me that this internship is something "you know good" in your week.

Here's my blanket challenge for you this week.

At church,

we act like Christians.

And this is all well and good.

After all, shouldn't Christians act like Christians?

sure.

But. It easily becomes an act.

Like how Kori acted like Satan yesterday.

(like how Dakota acts like he has a bad knee...) (that is a joke) (hope you enjoyed our message)

(we love you)

what does it take to react like a Christian?

how we respond to situations that we

can't plan for

is what reveals the most about us.

Let God be in your rest

and he will show up in the work.

In your interactions. In your needs.

I know you're busy.

Me too.

"Come to me, all you who are weary

and burdened,

and I

will give you rest.

Take my yoke upon you

and learn from me,

for I am gentle and humble in heart,

and you will find rest for your souls.

For my yoke is easy and

my burden is light."

(Matthew 11:28)

...

"I am the vine; you are the branches.

If a man remains in me

and I in him,

he will bear much fruit;

apart from me

you can do nothing."

(John 15:5)

I don't know what your quiet time needs to look like

and I can't shove you in a closet

and tell you that you'll know God better if you read this book

or listen to that song.

But if you get still

He will meet you there.

God as He is

wants you where you are.

That

is what I know good.

The challenge: write "react" somewhere on your hand.

"A man who lacks

judgment

derides his neighbor,

but a man of understanding

holds his tongue."

(Proverbs 11:12)

Use the note on your hand

to remind you

to look for situations

that could use a little less of your lip

and a little more of God's

grace.

If you need an example

check Jesus out.

Mark 14-16.

A little less us

a lot more God.

There you have it.

Easter.

Spend some time really deciding what Easter means

to you and for

your reactions.

God wants you to know some good.

Midweek Madness (in which I use too many parentheses)

Hey everybody! (yeah, yeah, Mom, hey is for horses)

(my mom does not read this blog)

(Matt might, but good grammar is probably the least of his worries concerning me at this point)

First of all, I have to thank you so very much for being there Sunday and for your willingness to take some challenges regarding your spiritual life. I had so much fun getting bonded on Saturday, but the coolest thing about becoming closer is that we're able to be more intimate (Frankie a little more literally, what with all the cuddling...) and honest with our struggles-- and more personal in our discussion of the ways we want to see God work in our lives and through this internship. So let's don't get closer for the sake of being all "group-y" and what not (I really don't forsee this as an issue). Can we make the bonding for a) the sake of cohesion in our pursuit of God and b) openness to challenging each other? (and then c) for the fun inevitably involved!)

From what I've seen so far, y'all are game (especially our resident Rev with the peer counseling ;))

(And that makes me pumped more than you could possibly know)

I have some practical things coming up to assign you to as interns (in the grunt work meaning of the term). There are two events on the horizon that Matt needs assistance with. Each of you needs to commit to at least one:

behind door number 1:

Friday night (3-26-10) is the middle school lock in at the field house a couple of miles from the church. Registration starts at 9:30 p.m. and the most amount of help will be needed until about midnight as students stroll into the event. SO, those of you choosing this option would need to be there around 9:15 to do basic crowd control. I will going at this time, so if you need a ride, shoot me a text!

door number 2:

Next Wednesday (3-31-10) will be the church's Seder Supper, which is a passover week dinner served with lessons on the importance of certain passover tradition. Here you would be responsible for helping to serve the food (not prepare it or anything) and generally being an extra set of hands for Matt. You could also keep kids downstairs during the event if you feel so inclined. This is at 6:30, so you'd need to be there by 6:15 and stay until no later than 8. I have class during this, so I will NOT be able to do rides for you.

*SO, pick one of these things to do (or both if you're feeling ambitious or want a few extra intern points) and let me know which one you're planning on. Thank you for your willingness to get some grunt work done! (you can let me know by leaving a comment on this post, if you'd like)

*Another announcement! I will be leaving Fredericksburg around 1:30 p.m. this Saturday (3-27-10) to get to DC and do the 4:30 NCC service again. Because it was AWESOME, right?! If you'd like to come, let me know, I'm happy to have you along for the ride! Free Ebenezer's might be involved ;)

*We will be meeting this Sunday at 5. Get excited!

Alright, friends, that's it in terms of announcements.

Those of you able to hang around for this past Sunday's meeting, how are the challenges going? (again, you can leave a comment on this post if you'd like to share)

I'm writing this post today because I know by this point the week has a tendency of getting pretty mad and busy and the excitement of the weekend has worn out. BUT, I'm here to encourage you to keep going with them. Given that the basis of each of your challenges is to take time off to rest, think of it as a really good excuse to escape from the escalating madness of the midweek. God wants to know it all. So whether or not you've been keeping up with the "assignment" I gave you up to this point, be sure to take time today to rest from the work. To abide with God and ask Him to show up amongst the madness. To make you fruitful. This internship will only work off of the fruit you develop from having spent this time alone and honest before the Lord we seek to know and serve.

"I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing... This is to my Father's glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples." -John 15:5, 8

That's Jesus talking there. Assuring you that the time spent alone with God is well worth it. Essential, even. I am praying for you all as you get away for just a bit and thank Him for each of your beautiful faces i mean hearts.

(your faces are beautiful, though)

(see?)

(who else is missing Ryan's beautiful face?) (you can leave your love for him in the comments section, too ;))

(Elizabeth, I don't know how to make your face be not cut out of the picture :-/)

A Full Day With No Other Interns.

And, it's kinda odd now. Good afternoon fellow Injuries. It's Kori here, just hoping today went well, and you all lasted through it. I know I had a nice battle with Geometry and the simple fact that letter and numbers should stay separate, but that's a different story.

But, all today, I couldn't help but think of this past weekend. Mainly because it was so awesome. I don't know about ya'll, but, that's what I have to say.

I had a scripture I wanted to show ya'll. We all had our assignments, and I know I followed through with mine. [Except for the quiet time. That's after I finish this.] I wrote a full page of scriptures and barely squeezed Revelation 21:4 on to the last line.

And that's the scripture I want ya'll to see. When we were at NCC, the pastor talked about a whole slew of scriptures, but Revelation 21:4 kinda stuck out to me. Because when he introduced it to us, he said that it was the promise.

"He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."

That seems, to me, the greatest promise I could ever hear. No more death. No mourning. No Crying. No pain.

Pretty sweet, right?
Right. I'd have to agree.

I even kinda starred that passage on my paper. It was just so amazing. This great and wonderful guy named Jesus wants me to not be hurt. He wants to wipe away every tear from my eyes. And from your eyes too. I can't get over how amazing that fact is.

We have a great God. And I so long for Him to be My portion. Not just a portion of my life. But my whole, entire, complete portion.

That line, "The Lord is my portion,therefore I will wait for Him." now has it's own little note card in my wallet. Just a reminder. And, I know He isn't quite my full portion, just yet. [Unfortunately.] But, I'm working on that. And I know I have a great God willing to help me, and great people to hold me accountable for that. *ahem* You guys. *ahem*

[Side note: Does anyone else think that 'Come Thou Fount' sound slightly Scottish? I'm not complaining, but, it surprised me.]

Well, I'm off to my closet. I have some alone time I have to spend with a very special God now.

Hope you're all well.
-Kori.

Finding Beauty in Negative Spaces

Hey Gang!

This is the song Matt wants us to use in the upcoming "Betrayal" message he's doing:

I wanted to put it on here for easy access (which is basically what this blog is for-- easy access to shared resources and/or thoughts) and as I grabbed the video, I noticed that it is from Seether's album entitled "Finding Beauty in Negative Spaces."

It sounded conspicuously like the sermon we heard last night, and I just had to point it out. Speaking of last night, a.) Ryan, we missed you like whoa and b.) I jotted down some of the "main" verses in case you wanted to revisit them.

(for the record, the scratch and sniff still doesn't work... I had to try one more time)

Psalm 115:1--

"Not to us, O LORD, not to us but to your name be the glory, because of your love and faithfulness."

Philippians 4:8--

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-- think about such things."

Lamentations 3:17-24--

"I have been deprived of peace; I have forgotten what prosperity is. So I say, 'My splendor is gone and all that I had hoped from the Lord.' I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall.

I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me.

Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope:

Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.

I say to myself, 'The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him."

Y'all. Notice how Jeremiah is saying to himself. I mean we know from context that Jeremiah really did know the Lord as his portion. But here he says it to himself. I know we've all expressed our intent and our desire to know the Lord as our portions. As our leader. As sovereign. And as we struggle to know what that looks like, we know that it's not necessarily where we are.

This week, perhaps knowing God as our portion begins with saying to ourselves, "God is my portion."

Here's my challenge to all of us. A blanket challenge, if you will.

Before you leave your room every day this week, say to yourself "God is my portion, therefore I wait for Him." You can put it on a notecard to remember if you have to. What circumstances are you waiting for Him to change? What negatives in your life keep you from finding His beauty and knowing Him as your portion?

Don't focus on them. (easier said than done, I am so very more than aware)

Do you want to yell back? Do you want things to be made right? Think you know how to protect yourself? Holding a grudge? Want your own revenge? Feeling discouraged?

Here's what I get from the Lamentations passage-- God's redemption, the way He makes right the wrongs in our life, is so much better than our own revenge. "therefore I will wait for Him...". So he may not avenge the situations the way we want, but He has the power to make our hearts patient as we wait for His redemption of the situation.

It's in the waiting for God that we begin to find the beauty in all the negative spaces around us. And knowing that peace begins with saying we believe God when He says He'll bring it.

So say it. At least once in the morning. And as it becomes your focus, I'm willing to bet the thought will come up again during the day... "The Lord is my portion, therefore I will wait for Him."

All That I Can Say

If you're reading this, you're probably hearing David Crowder Band's "All That I Can Say" through your speakers.

If you aren't, then the references to the song won't make sense much, will they?

The truth is (and by now, if you were at Thursday's meeting, you all know I'm all for the cold, hard, gory truth) that what we're getting at here with this internship program is far beyond what I am capable of doing for you. Spiritual growth, y'all, is not something I can do for you. And that is what this internship is about.

Is it the free food and the hang time and the resume building and the record appealing and opportunity giving experience we advertised? Certainly. I can't wait to help you get plugged in. For those of you wanting to do music, I guess I mean that literally. But for the most part, I'm getting more involved in this church with you, not for you. Both the physical service and the honest spiritual growth are relatively new to me, too.

So if for some reason you feel behind, don't.

If for some reason you don't really feel like you measure up to the job, stop.

If you think that the parts when I sit and talk about God are the times to check out because He is just to far away, tune in.

If you don't really even know what spiritual growth looks like or how in the world it's going to happen in your life, join the club.

Is your testimony not impressive enough, too rough, embarrassing, humbling, raw, deep, complicated, too good, too bad, too short, too long? Do you not know what to say? Do you hurt because when I say our motto is "what is God telling me and what am I going to do about it?" you don't know how to hear God, much less what He is telling you?

You. are. not. alone. Your self-proclaimed little "fearless leader" here treads beside you. And it scares me that I am somehow entrusted with your spiritual wellbeing when I have not even scratched the surface of what it is to know and love God, to want Him in my life for myself. Much less to lead you there. But I would not be here, writing this, leading you, if I did not feel absolutely certain that this is what I am supposed to be doing.

I am scared because I know I'm not who you want to become like. Trust me. I feel uncool and inadequate more than you could possibly know. But I am confident because I know that God is who you're going to want to become like. Even if you don't feel that now, I am sure it is what we're all searching for in having joined this program. Everything that is wrong in our lives and in this world is because way back when we as people decided to quit trying to be like God and started trying to compete with Him. In competition for control, for joy, for fulfillment.

We'll take our control and we'll be perfectly happy with it, thank Him very much.

He'll see.

Who needs patience, or humility, or gentleness? I'll go looking for and find my own validation. Just sit back and watch how it's done, God.

(there's never a good way to denote sarcasm in the written word, but I hope you picked up on it over the past few lines).

Meanwhile, we ignore the part of us that knows in all of this competition with God, we'll never really be Him. We'll always wonder why bad things happen to good people, why bad people don't get what they deserve, why we have so much when have nots go starving on the streets at night. And if we allow ourselves, we visit that hole and realize that we'll never know the answer. That as much as we want to and as hard as we try, we will never be as good as other people expect us to be, as we want to be, or as we could be if we're working in our own strength, with our own thoughts, in our own ways. Sometimes revisiting that hole in my own life, the ways in which I don't measure up, is downright overwhelming. And I can't make you go there in your own life.

Only you can make that choice. To admit to God that you don't have the answers and that you feel out of control. Lonely. Inadequate. Cheapened. Guilty. Maybe you don't even feel like you feel burdened enough by how really sinful you are (and I am right there with you). And then I can't make you ask God to begin to reveal it to you. The tough thing about pride is that you don't really see it until it hits you, and then it slams you (those of you at the meeting tonight know that I know a little something about that, too!) I can tell you that we're all prideful. That wanting to believe we've got it under control, we don't have to pay attention to the God part of the internship-- this life, even-- it's pride. But. I can't convict you of it. I can't tell you where and how it rears its ugly head in your life. You have to find it. You have to want to change it.

I know because if I had a piece of paper tonight during my quiet time (that coincidentally (or not?) takes place on my closet floor, where my jeans from, well, you know, still sit balled up in the very far corner) that told me to lie face down on the ground and cry sincerely before God because I feel so not good enough, because I feel so burdened by the things I know y'all are struggling with (things that I don't even know in full), it would not have worked.

But I did do it.

Not because someone told me to, but because I felt it. With my heart I want you to know I'd give up the money from this job in a heartbeat to take away just a bit of the pain and stress you deal with.

But I can't. No money, no thing, no service act I help you coordinate will take away the pain or the stress. It might make you happy for a while, but the joy would still be missing. Take it from the girl who was raised with plenty, in want of very little, who did her best to dutifully serve the church from day 1-- the joy can still be missing.

I'd love to take the pain and stress away from you so that you could feel like you have the "Step 3: Who I am today" in your testimony mastered. But the truth is that you and I? We're works in progress. And that can be your Step 3. You can be sure that when you ask God to do something, He will bring about progress. You just have to be ready to look for it.

The pain and the stress? They are not of God. He never wanted to watch you struggle with it. He so badly wants to take it away from you that He sent His Son to die on a cross so that you could give it over. The pain and the stress and the feelings of inadequacy, I so wish I could take from you (and from myself). But then you'd miss it, and I'd miss it. What it is actually like to watch God work with it. To see Him use our lives despite us.

If you learn anything from me, if you grow at all in the next seven weeks, it will have been despite me. And it will have been despite yourselves.

Don't be humiliated by that you don't feel your story glorifies you.

Be humbled by that your story, despite yourself, can glorify God.

You have to want to let it.

Sometimes there is nothing to say before God. Sometimes you just have to go there and rest. Take yourself and all your problems, and put them before God. Tell Him you have nothing else to offer but this seemingly incomplete, inadequate life. Tell God you feel distant if you feel distant from Him. Tell Him you don't know how to serve or where to serve but that you want the heart of a servant because you're having a hard time striking it rich on your own. And don't wait to be rich to feel like God hears you. Don't wait until your knee feels fine again or your team wins or you get that A or that boy likes you or your family has their act together to believe that God hears you or is holding you. He doesn't need you to have your act together. He doesn't need to see you perfectly perched on that chair, He knows you're peeing in your chair (you know, metaphorically). Will you look crazy, imperfect, humiliated by getting up and showing Him the stains?

To anyone else you might. But is it worth swallowing your pride and showing Him the stains anyway to get a change of clothes?

He doesn't need you to look perfect. God knows that He is perfect and knows you aren't. The pressure is off there. The challenge is believing Him enough to expose our stains and trust Him to get the glory. He is willing to share it. He'll give you a change of clothes, a change of heart.

Do we want it?

Listen to the song again.

"Lord I'm tired

So tired from walking

And Lord I'm so alone

And Lord the dark

Is creeping in

Creeping up

To swallow me

I think I'll stop

Rest here a while

And didn't You see me cry'n?

And didn't You hear me call Your name?

Wasn't it You I gave my heart to?

I wish You'd remember

Where you sat it down

Chorus:

And this is all that I can say right now

i know it's not much

And this is all that I can give

yeah that's my everything

Bridge:

I didn't notice You were standing here

I didn't know that

That was You holding me

I didn't notice You were cry'n too

I didn't know that

That was You washing my feet"

For what it's worth (and I think it's worth a lot or I wouldn't be doing it), I am praying for each of you by name. Your concerns are neither too big nor too small for me to care. But what I hope you're getting is that they are neither too big nor too small for God to care. So I pray to Him on your behalf, that He'd begin to show you what and how to lay down in front of Him.

Also for what it's worth (and my salary says it's worth at least a couple thousand of dollars), I'm here for you. Call me ((501) 247-9067), text me, e-mail me (ssmith8@mail.umw.edu), yell my name from across the room if you need to talk or have an idea.